Concerning the So-Called “Gather ‘Round Children!” (Not to Be Confused With “Gather Round, Children” – the OG, the Real Deal)

 

I saw the “Concerned Mom” post Friday afternoon. Hoping to find someone saying something nice and true about my Modest Mouse review, I instead found this:

“I don’t think you have the guts to do it. I don’t think you know how to start a website. I don’t think your OLD fingers know how to conduct a website.”
– Gabe Durham, “From Russia With Lust”
There’s a new GRC in town, suckers.
http://gatherroundchildren.org/

Part of me wanted to write a big post about how angry and hurt and attractive I was. But then, I realized that if I made a big deal of this, Concerned Mom would win. “Just enjoy your weekend,” I said to myself. It didn’t work. Concerned Mom poisoned my weekend with her slander.

Instead, I’ve just got a brief rebuttal about the nature of web site names: They’re like band names. Totally meaningless. Gather Round, Children isn’t about children any more than its about hunter/gatherers or circles. It’s just the hilarious intersection of some words. It’s fun! We’re just having a FUN TIME. And if certain “bees” can’t appreciate that then those “britches” can soak their DUMB heads. If I was in a bluegrass band called “Gather Round Children,” you think anybody would care? No. Bad example. Bluegrass is wholesome. If I was in a skinhead band called “Gather Round, Children,” you think anybody would care what the name is? No, no, no. They would just fear me. That’s a bad example too because I have seen “American History X” and I am way more like Edward Norton post-change of heart than Edward Norton pre-change of heart and also I have luscious tussles of hair that I would be miffed to part with, to say the least! But we are not talking about hair, we are talking about ladies who don’t even tell us what their REAL NAMES are! Shall we allow her to tristle us like this? No, my compatriots, and again I say no! We must rise up against this woman with her fancy LiveJournal site and its MANY bells and its occasional whistles and we must fight! I urge our loyal GRC constituency to take up arms against the Great Satan, and by take up arms I mean post angry semi-coherent comments on her site and listen to our radio show tonight where we will talk all kinds of trash about her unless we book Christine Yi because then we’ll probably just focus on getting her to sing as much as possible. But what shall she sing about, brothers and sisters? Perhaps she shall sing Fugees but perhaps she shall sing Freedom! Perhaps she shall sing Revolution! In this way we will shame the six-eyed dragon that is Concerned Mom and perhaps put off the End Times a squeenchy bit longer.