Tag Archives: Vampires (?)

Scandal Threatens to Blot Out Previous GRC Triumphs

Tom received a shocking letter from **VS-*P radio today. [Names have partially been starred out to partially protect the guilty.] Really makes you wonder if this whole scandal is just petty revenge from one of the “Best Talk Radio” contenders from the 06-07 year. We at GRC feel that their time would be better spent putting together a better radio show than creating false rumors.

Tombom

Dear Founders and 3/5 members of Gather Round Children,
It has recently come to my attention that a sensitive, internal memo written by Professor Durham was inadvertently released to the public. I have had the chance to review this memo and have shared it with the board of directors and various respected colleagues here at KWVS-**. Needless to say, we are appalled by the manipulative and corrupt aspirations of Gather Round Children’s leadership. For years, we have faithfully trusted our own children’s upbringing to your care and believed that they were receiving the same love, care and affection that we give them daily; to be shown otherwise is truly heartbreaking. Additionally, the exposure of your moral depravity confirms our enlightened suspicions that the very foundation of our society, the family unit, has been poisoned. For this reason, we will reinstate a more controlled K***-LP environment which forbids secular music and worldly influence.

Lastly, we have begun an investigation into the severity of your infractions. I have volunteered to chair the committee and will personally dive into the archives to review each song, rant, and discussion; I do not have time for any deduction, so I will interpret every message at face value. During this investigation, we have suspended your award for the “Best Talk Show for 2007.” Permanent revocation and further discipline will be decided upon at a later time. Your cooperation in this matter is appreciated.

Regretfully,

***** *****
Director, K***-L*
Professor of harmonic literacy, Pepper**** University

P.S. Hey guys! I purchased the “Best of” albums for seasons 1, 2, and 3 a while ago (awesome!), and I was wondering if you could maybe send over a couple of copies of the “Gather Round Children On-air Bloopers” and the new “Best of GRC Improv?” I need to get these and my sister Martha wanted a copy for her kids. Thanks!

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Concerning the So-Called “Gather ‘Round Children!” (Not to Be Confused With “Gather Round, Children” – the OG, the Real Deal)

guitar 

I saw the “Concerned Mom” post Friday afternoon. Hoping to find someone saying something nice and true about my Modest Mouse review, I instead found this:

“I don’t think you have the guts to do it. I don’t think you know how to start a website. I don’t think your OLD fingers know how to conduct a website.”
– Gabe Durham, “From Russia With Lust”
There’s a new GRC in town, suckers.

http://gatherroundchildren.org/

Part of me wanted to write a big post about how angry and hurt and attractive I was. But then, I realized that if I made a big deal of this, Concerned Mom would win. “Just enjoy your weekend,” I said to myself. It didn’t work. Concerned Mom poisoned my weekend with her slander.

Instead, I’ve just got a brief rebuttal about the nature of web site names: They’re like band names. Totally meaningless. Gather Round, Children isn’t about children any more than its about hunter/gatherers or circles. It’s just the hilarious intersection of some words. It’s fun! We’re just having a FUN TIME. And if certain “bees” can’t appreciate that then those “britches” can soak their DUMB heads. If I was in a bluegrass band called “Gather Round Children,” you think anybody would care? No. Bad example. Bluegrass is wholesome. If I was in a skinhead band called “Gather Round, Children,” you think anybody would care what the name is? No, no, no. They would just fear me. That’s a bad example too because I have seen “American History X” and I am way more like Edward Norton post-change of heart than Edward Norton pre-change of heart and also I have luscious tussles of hair that I would be miffed to part with, to say the least! But we are not talking about hair, we are talking about ladies who don’t even tell us what their REAL NAMES are! Shall we allow her to tristle us like this? No, my compatriots, and again I say no! We must rise up against this woman with her fancy LiveJournal site and its MANY bells and its occasional whistles and we must fight! I urge our loyal GRC constituency to take up arms against the Great Satan, and by take up arms I mean post angry semi-coherent comments on her site and listen to our radio show tonight where we will talk all kinds of trash about her unless we book Christine Yi because then we’ll probably just focus on getting her to sing as much as possible. But what shall she sing about, brothers and sisters? Perhaps she shall sing Fugees but perhaps she shall sing Freedom! Perhaps she shall sing Revolution! In this way we will shame the six-eyed dragon that is Concerned Mom and perhaps put off the End Times a squeenchy bit longer.

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It’s Foggy Outside (So Rub My Muffins)

guitardave 

Music by Dave, Words by Dave and Gabe

(Performed on Season 3, Episode 3 “And You’ll Like It”)

The lamp cast a shadow on the street
The moon fell like rain on my feet
The strangers passed, none should I meet

There was a magic the your fertile hips
You beckoned me closer with red fingertips
And siren you opened your lips. You sang,

It’s foggy outside
So rub my muffins
It’s hazy tonight in this street
It’s foggy outside
You sang so sweetly
As the night stole the shadows of me

Your forwardness took me aback
Your words had directness and passion I lack
And yet there was dread in the depths of my sack

Desire was a foreign word you see
Until you placed your pale hands on me
My brow dripped the salt of the sea

It’s foggy outside
So rub my muffins
It’s hazy tonight in this street
It’s foggy outside
You sang so sweetly
As the night stole the shadows of me
 
I followed in silence as you led the way
Deep in the earth where men’s will turns to clay
In the heat of your kiln I harden and say

“I love you,” just words but you take them to heart
You swear on your soul that we never shall part
I am your canvas, seduction your art

It’s foggy outside
So rub my muffins
It’s hazy tonight in this street
It’s foggy outside
You sang so sweetly
As the night stole the shadows of me

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