Tweet Archive (Part 1)

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A speed limit is a starting point in an ongoing negotiation.

When I see the word “scallions,” I picture scallops.

Multi-grain bread thinks it can trick us into thinking it is 100% whole wheat but WE ARE SMARTER THAN MULTI-GRAIN BREAD.

Chin-up bars presuppose a house with a certain soundness of structure.

Twilight Zone where conservative white guy deports last immigrant and then finds his grocery no longer carries Mexican Pepsi.

You know a comedy bit is gonna be bad when they go, “What I want to know: Whose job is it to come up with [x]?”

Watching a doc about ballet kids & wondering if grace in writing is much valued by writers of my generation = embarrassing even to mention.

We kill at daggers of insight. Amazed/concerned at how many friends genuinely dominate at Ongoing Daily Show Writer Tryouts.

Southern entertainers love jokes about church denominations.

Bookmarked for banishment: The move in writing, “In fact, why don’t you go check it out for yourself? I’ll wait. La la lalala. Back? Great.”

Week 6 ofP90X is the one where you’re convinced that ONLY YOU understand the rich inner life of @Tony_Horton.

Week 7 of P90X is the one where upon waking from a nap your spouse tells you you kept murmuring, “Ab Ripper X. I hate it. But I LOVE it.”

Sad rule is you only get one “catch some flack” per book or you’re gonna get some grief for it.

Ever “like” a fb photo of your friend and her baby and then turns out on closer inspection she’s discreetly breastfeeding?

EB Farnum : Deadwood :: Butters : South Park

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