Pay Me to Write the Definitive Wrens Book

It’s hard to love a band that moves so slowly. All the Wrens have real jobs. One has a wife and kids. They are in their 40’s and are no longer hungry to become the biggest band in the world.

When their last album came out, I made an event out of it. I was a college freshman. I listened to it in my car, by myself, while staring at nothing, loving it. Soon, there will have been as much time passed between Meadowlands and ??? as between Secaucus and Meadowlands.

If I were a big Of Montreal fan, I’d get a new album to enjoy every other month. As it stands, I’d bet we’re going to have to wait another 2-4 years for the next Wrens album.

Sometimes I think I should be the one to write the book about The Wrens. Ideally, the genre will be “band biography meets in-depth song-by-song analysis meets gushy teenage girl homage meets Hunter S. Capote.”

Here is the first chapter. A taste of what I’m capable of. And if anyone wants to pay me, like the 33 1/3 series, I’ll write the rest.

Chapter One: Beginnings

A band of prodigious sunscorched suburban trash-minstrels, the Wrens are from New Jersey.

One time, they got fired for playing the Pixies’ “Debaser” to a crowd of old people. Isn’t that funny? Do you think Charles would like hanging out with me?

Gabe Wrens

Gabe Wrens

Gabe Wrens

Gabe Wrens :)

At one point, Greg turned to Kevin. “You know this is going to be big, don’t you?” Greg regarded Kevin warily, as if saying it out loud might uncork the sinewy talented brew that was bubbling beneath the surface.

Sometimes The Meadowlands is my favorite album. Sometimes it’s Secaucus. It’s never Silver, but some of the songs on Silver are among my favorites.

I wish the Wrens would put out all their b-sides like they promised to do.

According to, “The wrens issue first full length, Silver (1994), to surprising and wonderful critical acclaim.” And yet Pitchfork said this: “The band has no shortage of ideas here, but trying all of them at once bogged down these otherwise fine performances.” Who is right? You be the judge!

Little did this young riptide of ethereal talent realize, their lo-fi big-city aural dreams were about to make rock history…

End of Chapter One


2 thoughts on “Pay Me to Write the Definitive Wrens Book

  1. Mocean says:

    I saw of Montreal twice in the last 40 days in Washington, DC and Los Angeles, CA. Don’t you wish the Wrens played that often? :)

  2. I absolutely wish that, though I got to see them twice in LA and Charles solo once. I think that not touring much is the main reason that they don’t vary their set a whole lot, too. They play a lot of Meadowlands and not much else.

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