Fake Palindromes

Everybody I know is getting pretty sick of all these Palin “scandals.” I say we just list them all, acknowledge that she’s a human being like everyone else, then move on to actually getting to know McCain’s hastily-picked VP nominee.

Here are the facts, as best as I can remember them from skimming headlines, dreaming dreams and talking with angry New Englanders:

– When Sarah Palin ran for President of her 5th grade class, she quickly turned the issue away from her opponent’s popular “No Homework Day” campaign and towards hot-button issues like gun control and abortion.

– Sarah Palin fired the Alaska Public Safety Commissioner after he refused to TP her ex-brother-in-law’s house.

– When Sarah Palin ran for Miss Alaska, she quickly turned the issue away from beauty and towards hot-button issues like gun control and abortion.

– Sarah Palin’s new baby is having a baby and is planning to marry the father.

– Sarah Palin calls drilling for oil “ice fishing.”

– Sarah Palin’s baby’s fetus is having a baby and is planning to marry the father.

– Sarah Palin ran a polar bear deathmatch ring in her backyard from 2001-2003 until it was shut down by the local neighborhood watch. She was not convicted on account of being too gosh darn pretty.

– When Sarah Palin sighted Mark Twain and the guy who wrote the Golden Compass on an Alaskan hunting expedition, she fell them both in a single shot and thus committed the ultimate censorship. There is a picture of her and her daughter smiling by their husks.

– Sarah Palin accepted funds for an escalator to nowhere, pocketed the fund, bragged about it when introduced as McCain’s runningmate, and didn’t even credit The Simpsons for the idea.

As if any of that matters. Show some respect, naysayers. Sarah Palin is a war hero by association.

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8 thoughts on “Fake Palindromes

  1. Nice picture highlighting her disability: she’s trying as hard as she can to make a thumbs up sign, but she can’t close her palm after years of work on a fishing boat.

  2. I’m sorry, I meant, “her special need.”

  3. emily says:

    I would totally bang her if I wasn’t afraid of being electrocuted by her lady robot parts.

  4. M-Ocean says:

    Palindromes… brilliant! :)

  5. Emily: Double-zing!

    The other header I briefly considered was Palin-drones. That would put those drones in their places! (I’m not sure to whom I’m referring but sometimes you have to build your opinion around the pun.)

  6. M-Ocean says:

    Well, if Emily is correct, is Palin not a drone herself? Being made of lady robot parts kind of makes you a drone. Or is that a droid? Can a droid be a drone? Can a drone be a druid?

    I’m thinking you should retitled this to “Palin-druids,” just to show those druids who is boss.

  7. Stick it to those druids, Michael! It’s the only way they’ll learn.

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