New Story: Eight Times in the Everywhere

Matt at Thieves Jargon accepted my story, Eight Times in the Everywhere, hours after I submitted it. And now it’s online. You can’t beat that with a billy club.

Update: I just re-read the story and feel the urge to issue a disclaimer, but I’m not sure what it should say. “Not for kids.” That’s a possibility. But I’m leaning towards, “The narrator in this story is a terrible, terrible person.” Or how about replacing one of those terribles with “cartoonishly”? But then people who think all stories should end with the terrible people getting what’s coming to them (objectivists) won’t want to read it. So maybe the disclaimer should read, “The narrator in this story is a cartoonishly terrible person who dies and goes to Hell at the end.” But objectivists won’t like that I put Hell/Devil into the story and now my disclaimer is getting dangerously close to summary. So I’ll cut “goes to Hell at the end.” Or maybe I should just go back to, “Not for kids.” Or maybe my disclaimer should be, “You should listen to Donald Antrim reading ‘I Bought a Little City.’” But that takes the focus off of me.

Update: Tim made me remember that disclaimers are for dummies. Here’s the new one, nice and short.

Disclaimer: F it.

6 thoughts on “New Story: Eight Times in the Everywhere

  1. Tim says:

    Dude, no disclaimer– F it. The story’s great without it, and there’s something lovable about your narrator. But then, I’ve always had a soft spot for people who know they behave like assholes but just don’t care.

  2. Tim, you said just what I wanted to hear. I’m changing the disclaimer.

  3. Mike says:

    This is awesome, dude! One of my favorites of yours. Line by line you’re super sharp.

  4. Thanks, man! Go on and take a little credit:

    – G: What if a cop just worked part time and chose to go on and off duty whenever he wanted?
    – M: Sounds like a Gabe Durham story.
    – G: Hmmmmmmmmmm….

  5. M-Ocean says:

    I will never use bath towels the same way again.

  6. I don’t know what you mean, Michael–that sentence could have meant anything.

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