Debate Notes For Legalizing Polygamy

guitar by Mitch, Team Captain

– Does not the artist use multiple colors in his palette?

– That Song: Calls two “the loneliest number since the number one.”

– Does not the seagull fly in flocks?

– Gina will stand and give the following testimony: “I can tell you, that, as a woman, I’d kill to have another wife around. Men can be such slobs that it would take three of us just to do one man’s laundry!” [Coach Tina: Keep a straight face or the Against team will eat us alive!]

– That Other Song: “Give me two girls. So I can… something something…”

– Does not the goose fly in gander?

– Brian will stand, give a little laugh, and say, “Let me just vocalize what is on all the guys’ minds right now. Two chicks whenever you want.” Brian will high-five Mitch as he sits.

– “Big Love”: a popular TV show about polygamy. [Haven’t seen it, it’s on premium stations. Best just to mention in passing.]

– Another Song: “Before you knock it, try it first / And you’ll see it’s a blessing and it’s not a curse.” [The “Against” team may mention that this song is about marijuana and not polygamy. Still, we will argue that it is a good point in all situations. The Againsts, if they are really on their game may reply, “Even murder?” Do not fall in this pit! Admit, “No, not murder or anything that involves harming others.”]

– Everybody loves Mormons, right? Right?

– Amanda will stand and give the following testimony: “From a woman’s standpoint, having another woman in the house would be great. We’d have girls nights all the time. You know, no men allowed. And don’t get me started on the clothes-sharing possibilities!” Women love sharing clothes.

– Maybe only really smart men—doctors, debaters—should be allowed to have multiple wives. Shouldn’t superior genes be spread as far as they can go? Survival of the fittest, right? [If the Againsts are really on the ball, they may mention that this was Hitler’s philosophy. We will liken the tossing out of ALL Hitler’s ideas to throwing the baby out with the bathwater. The baby being polygamy. The bathwater being Hitler.]

– Another Song: “A little bit of Tina in the sun / A little bit of Rita having fun / A little something something in the can / A little bit of you makes me your man” – very catchy, very true!

[Remind group: Winner of the debate gets free pizza party with up to three toppings and soda!]

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4 thoughts on “Debate Notes For Legalizing Polygamy

  1. Joseph Smith says:

    This is exactly what I was trying to get across the whole time. Emma has always said she wanted to have other girls around, to gossip, love, and even start book clubs with. But no! The man has to keep us down. The man has to stop us from showing the full extent of our love. Then man has to stop us from having sweet, hot, wild or- . . . .
    Uh, so anyway, I’ll tell you something. When the new Zion rises in the great state of Utah, Christ will set things straight. Just you wait!

  2. Mitch says:

    Strong effort in the debate everyone. Who knew they’d take a feminist angle on the issue? I know Gina mentioned that there was nothing in our policy that allows for women to have multiple husbands, but… i don’t know, that just sounded stupid. As if any self-respecting hetero-man would be interested in a big sausie-fest like that!

  3. Lou Bega enthusiast says:

    The lyric is:

    A little bit of Monica in my life
    A little bit of Erica by my side
    A little bit of Rita is all I need
    A little bit of Tina is what I see
    A little bit of Sandra in the sun
    A little bit of Mary all night long
    A little bit of Jessica here I am
    A little bit of you makes me your man

    I think that’s what you meant. Please be more careful next time when quoting Mr. Bega. The man is an artist and a poet and he deserves our respect. I can see why you lost the debate.

  4. Lou Bega enthusiast says:

    And for the record, Mr. Bega’s repetoire is not restricted only to “Mambo No. 5”. That’s the tragedy. Personally, my favourite song on “A Little Bit of Mambo” is “The Most Expensive Girl in the World”. The twist at the end is an absolute delight: It seems Larry is more than just a butler.

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