The Truth is Tough Sometimes but DEAL WITH IT

guitarDid I ever tell you about the Beatles? Yeah. They were this band in the sixties where everybody all of a sudden jumped on this bandwagon. And they were like, “The Beatles are the greatest band of all time” and everybody else believed it, but nobody actually liked them. Like when they listened to the Beatles, it didn’t even elevate their mood. They just listened to them to fit in. They were so stupid and conformist. It was nothing like Slayer which is good music. Anyway, they just listened to the Beatles all the time. And they listened to these songs where some of them were trying to be really sad, like, “Yesterdaaaaay…” and “I look at all the lonely people…” but most of the time they were like, “She loves you yeah yeah yeah / All you need is love / La la la lala la” and it’s so stupid and AS IF the world even works like that: All you need is love? What about friggin money? Hey. No, wait. Not materialism but like. Money to buy food? And! Water. What about money to buy Aquafina? So that’s stupid. Wait. Did I ever tell you about the Nazi that walks the streets of Malibu? It’s crazy, right, because everybody knows that anti-Semitism is so 1943 BUT he goes around with his Swastika patches on his… person. And he talks all kinds of crap and what he does is, he actually doesn’t talk bad about Jews, he just talks bad about movies. And he says, “All the modern movies are so stupid and they’re so commercial and they’re so predictable.” And what he’s doing is, he’s trying to take down the Jewish movie empire when actually, what everybody knows is: movies are really, really good. So it turns out that this guy is a Nazi and what I said a second ago about him wearing a Swastika, I meant it as a metaphor because he doesn’t actually do that and he’s not actually German but still, what I mean is, that: he hates Jewish people because he hates movies and he only watches indie movies and everybody knows that Jewish people don’t even make indie movies so it’s a real tragedy and I hope that somebody shoots him before he takes down Hollywood. He’s probably the guy that set fire to Malibu the other day. Sorry sicko, your plan failed BIG TIME. And so yeah. Everybody said that the Beatles were so great and they were writing these nice reviews about them BUT THEN the Beatles started doing drugs and everybody was like, “Oh it’s so cool that they’re doing drugs, their music’s getting ever better.” And now… all these people are trying to be cool and—keep in mind—no one even REALLY likes them, nobody even enjoys listening to them, but then some people were like, “Their early stuff is kind of lame but then when they started doin drugs they got really good” and I’m like, “Grow UP. That is so stupid.” And so the moral of the story is: Don’t do f***ing drugs cause it’s so stupid and if you think that it’s good then you’re just falling into the same trap as everybody who pretends to like the Beatles.


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