Meeting the Bare Minimum of Others’ Expectations

TombomPeople warn you, “When you graduate, you’ll have to start shaving everyday!” You probably cringe at the sickening thought.. you picture yourself an old man, standing in front of a foggy mirror, faded old towel wrapped around you, bleeding from your $2 Bic razor.. every single day..I was scared too!.. until I discovered the Monday, Wednesday plan. It’s wonderful! All you have to do is shave well Monday morning, then if by chance someone calls you out on Tuesday for an excessive 5 o’clock shadow, just smile, wink, then as you’re walking away, tell them your electric isn’t getting the job done these days. Same goes for Wed / Thr.. then by Friday, you’re allowed to go to work with a little beard b/c it’s casual Friday. Problem solved. And you didn’t hear it from me, but the same rule applies to showering.

At this point, the girls who are snooping in will be fuming with protest and disgust over such a statement; do not be fooled men. Women have been using this rule forever but brush off any responsibility for their foulness with claims such as, “well I’m a girl and it’s different” or “I use baby powder..”

Great, now it’s out in the open and we can stop pretending. Seriously though, I don’t live that way because its sick, but I know so many people that really do.

– Tom Bush


3 thoughts on “Meeting the Bare Minimum of Others’ Expectations

  1. Dear Scruffy,

    The missus and I wondered if you’d be available next Monday for dinner and a yacht race.

  2. Gabe says:

    What?? I’m the engaged one! Surely there’s been a mistake here, cap’n.

  3. Well, I heard that might not be true. And this fellow showers, and might bring along one of his powdered ladyfriends.

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