I have 7 refutes to argrorant against Gabe’s malicious tirade. From the fartherest westest point, everyone can see that he’s not actually engaged- yes friends, here me out and silence your jabby-lolliking. Have we not been led into the lion’s den before?! I dare not say we haven’t. Not more than a fortnight’s fortnight ago, we were led to believe that our firstborn’s were a reasonable concession in exchange for equal suffrage. And NOW!?! I want my baby back. He tristled us once, shant we allow it again? I hear you challenging “How do YOU know?” Well, once every hundred thousand years a fairy is born and if you don’t believe in the fairy, then she will die. Your unfounded pessimism has already nearly extintified all of the fairies, will you now kill off my lone voice of reason? If you don’t believe me, then spend an afternoon actually looking for fairies.
Even if he was engaged, which is doubtful, would it be with me? NO.. so I hope he doesn’t ask. Seriously, I don’t even want him to try. I already have 43 rings from equal if not superior suitors, so I don’t NEED him. He may thinksies that I need him, but really HE WISHES..hahahaha.
My third point is that when Liz said yes, OH SHT.. I mean if some girl actually was around Gabe and confused his engagement question with “wouldn’t you be happier if I wasn’t here?” then of course she would say yes. I don’t mean to dishonor Gabe, but everyone knows that these days, singlehood is all the rage.
Quiz: Parties, and I mean real parties, happen when what group of people throw them? Singles.. and why? Because we, the good-people, have learned that nothing, including our property and future cleanliness, is as important as having a good time right here and now! Who’s with me!?! I’m not going to let some financial or moral “responsibility” (as they call it, I call it lame) get in the way of me buying more Natty Ice or only finding girls with a similar “condition”. Back to my point!! Gabe’s not right about single people being dumb dumbs.
I have lots of fun, and I’m single! Really it’s true, I wish everyone could see that so I’d have people to chill with on the weekend. I mean guys, think about it, would you have ever, EVER, been able to play through Final Fantasy VII if you weren’t single at the time? Girls, would you EVER be able to get away with eating Tofu and spouting off animal cruelty lines if you weren’t single at the time? No way. My points have been made. Hopefully as I have poured delicious concrete on your heart, you will let it settle in and harden with truth.
– Tom Bush