What Engagement Means to Thomas: A Rebuttal

TombomOut of the cave I come – sooddle up the hoorses little poople, we must rood to foot Goob’s lies!!

I have 7 refutes to argrorant against Gabe’s malicious tirade. From the fartherest westest point, everyone can see that he’s not actually engaged- yes friends, here me out and silence your jabby-lolliking. Have we not been led into the lion’s den before?! I dare not say we haven’t. Not more than a fortnight’s fortnight ago, we were led to believe that our firstborn’s were a reasonable concession in exchange for equal suffrage. And NOW!?! I want my baby back. He tristled us once, shant we allow it again? I hear you challenging “How do YOU know?” Well, once every hundred thousand years a fairy is born and if you don’t believe in the fairy, then she will die. Your unfounded pessimism has already nearly extintified all of the fairies, will you now kill off my lone voice of reason? If you don’t believe me, then spend an afternoon actually looking for fairies.

Even if he was engaged, which is doubtful, would it be with me? NO.. so I hope he doesn’t ask. Seriously, I don’t even want him to try. I already have 43 rings from equal if not superior suitors, so I don’t NEED him. He may thinksies that I need him, but really HE WISHES..hahahaha.

My third point is that when Liz said yes, OH SHT.. I mean if some girl actually was around Gabe and confused his engagement question with “wouldn’t you be happier if I wasn’t here?” then of course she would say yes. I don’t mean to dishonor Gabe, but everyone knows that these days, singlehood is all the rage.

Quiz: Parties, and I mean real parties, happen when what group of people throw them? Singles.. and why? Because we, the good-people, have learned that nothing, including our property and future cleanliness, is as important as having a good time right here and now! Who’s with me!?! I’m not going to let some financial or moral “responsibility” (as they call it, I call it lame) get in the way of me buying more Natty Ice or only finding girls with a similar “condition”. Back to my point!! Gabe’s not right about single people being dumb dumbs.

I have lots of fun, and I’m single! Really it’s true, I wish everyone could see that so I’d have people to chill with on the weekend. I mean guys, think about it, would you have ever, EVER, been able to play through Final Fantasy VII if you weren’t single at the time? Girls, would you EVER be able to get away with eating Tofu and spouting off animal cruelty lines if you weren’t single at the time? No way. My points have been made. Hopefully as I have poured delicious concrete on your heart, you will let it settle in and harden with truth.
– Tom Bush


8 thoughts on “What Engagement Means to Thomas: A Rebuttal

  1. Margaret Thatcher says:

    I don’t get out much anymore, but back in September I made a trip to the States for the 5th anniversary of 9/11. While I was there, I listened to your wonderful radio show and I did laugh so splendidly!
    I think Tom makes a brilliant refute and should be highly commended for his writing.

  2. Tom Bush says:

    It is wonderful to hear from you again. As always, I deeply appreciate your support. Please promise that you’ll make time to have tea with me the next time I jump the pond.

  3. Margaret Thatcher says:

    I promise!

    Ta ta my dear.

  4. Web Guy Extraordinary says:

    I notice that your comments are spaced very close together and thusly they reak of forgification of the highest order. The idea that Maragret Thatcher would visit YOUR blog post and none of Gabe Durham’s excellent posts is ridiculous. ESPECIALLY considering that M-Thatch is way into mash-ups herself and famously remixed “Send in the Clowns” with “Baby Got Back” which is making the rounds in the clubs. Don’t be fooled, progeny!

  5. Gabe says:

    Good point, web guy! I was feeling really down on myself for not getting any M-Thatch comments until you posted that…

  6. Web Guy Extraordinary says:

    Oh it’s no problem. This is pretty much what I do with my life

  7. Gabe says:

    That’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.

  8. Joe says:

    Tom – While you make interesting points, i would like to highlight the fact that you probably had about 13 glasses of Riesling before posting this, you lobacerated trunshuffle! Lay off the sauce sometime, only, not when you are writing posts for GRC.

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