Incredulous America: Things We’re Astounded Nobody’s Mentioned (The Thrilling Conclusion)

Culled from the web. Unedited for spelling, grammar, syntax, or taste.

I’m astounded that nobody mentioned Ron Paul as a credible presidential candidate.

I’m astonished nobody mentioned the fatal flaw with iTunes and the other pay-to-download sites.

I’m astonished nobody mentioned the Sausage platform!

I’m astonished that nobody mentioned John Bury’s “History of the Eastern Roman Empire”

I’m astonished that nobody mentioned the recent Sony exploding battery debacle yet.

I’m stunned nobody’s mentioned Hank Aaron, though.

I’m stunned nobody mentioned ANY and ALL of the underwater bikini scenes with Jessica Alba in Into the Blue!

I’m shocked that nobody mentioned the Killzone universe.

I’m shocked that nobody mentioned this, but am I the only one that feels crappy about killing his entire family?

I’m shocked that nobody mentioned Antonio Vivaldi’s “The Four Seasons” or Handel’s “The Messiah.”

One thing that I’m shocked that nobody mentioned was the moment that my friend and I really flipped over when the episode first aired: when Mulder is talking to the scientiest, a cockroach crawls accross the screen.

I’m shocked that nobody mentioned Ron Eglash’s talk on African Fractals:

I’m shocked that nobody mentioned Babylon 5’s theme music.

I’m shocked nobody mentioned the runemaster yet.

First, I’m shocked nobody mentioned Jack Casady of Jefferson Airplane and Hot Tuna fame

However, I’m shocked nobody mentioned the Death Star from Star Wars.

I’m shocked nobody mentioned orange slices.

Since Disney movies have been mentioned I’m shocked nobody mentioned Finding Nemo.

I’m mad nobody mentioned Old School yet. WE’RE GOIN STREAKING

I’m amazed nobody’s brought up the fact that Rei, despite not having Yui’s soul, is genetically Yui with some Lilith mixed in.

I’m amazed nobody brought up venerial disease.

I’m amazed that nobody brought up William S. Burroughs.

I’m shocked that nobody brought up dry sump lubrication in this thread yet.

I’m shocked that nobody brought up The Happy Hooker.

Come to think of it, I’m shocked nobody brought up Interview with the Vampire. Including me.

Oh my gosh I can’t believe nobody has talked about the Harry Potter books!

I can’t believe that nobody has talked about the fact that Adam was 2nd from LAST last night!!!! We have to VOTE people!

I can’t believe that nobody has talked about the best argument against sitting down; the time factor.

However, I can’t believe that no one has talked about the new Subway commercial??

I can’t believe that no one has talked about the ultimate pump-up song. Guns-n-Roses – Welcome to the Jungle.

I can’t believe no one has talked about how it was a black kid and he’s a white guy yet. Or I’m pretty sure that was the racial dynamic.

I can’t believe no one has talked about how stupid Skynet is in this film.

How come nobody has talked about dinner plans today? Or have I missed that? :(

How come nobody has talked about linear incentive strategies?

How come nobody has talked about John Hagee yet?

How come nobody has talked about the heroes of Flight 253?

How come nobody has talked about Born of Hope , the prequel to LOTR? It’s a fan-made movie that came out last year and it’s really quite good:

And how come no one has talked about the role of the agents and RE brokers in this latest RE implosion?

How come no one has talked about the leader of this country has been a MAN for 232 years now, some better than others but very few?

How come no one has talked about Rob Schneider or the upcoming Toy Story 3 trailer.

and if the world was going to end, then how come no one has talked about it on the news?

How come no one has talked about the chick fitting shirts to topless large breasted women?!

After reading the first couple of posts, I was wondering how come nobody mentioned Jimmy Lin but then you guys started mentioning him.

Oh, and…..more about pregnancy and labor……did you know that when your water breaks it’s not just one big one time gush of fluid? It keeps leaking…..WTF? How come nobody mentioned that shit to me? LOL! Like it’s not bad enough worrying about fluid gushing from your vagina but not knowing it KEEPS leaking pretty…

how come nobody’s mentioned carnegie mellon? seriously Carnegie Mellon has the worst campus of all time.

How come nobody mentioned that Levy went to college with that over-offcious jerk?

How come nobody mentioned the Legendary Black Beast of Aaaaaargghghh yet

How come nobody mentioned me, huh?!?!? Ya think I’m too drunk to sit in a wheelchair?

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Read: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

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2 thoughts on “Incredulous America: Things We’re Astounded Nobody’s Mentioned (The Thrilling Conclusion)

  1. cagewisdom says:

    I find it impressive that reading your ‘Things We’ve Astonished Nobody’s Mentioned’ conjures with uncanny precision the emotional experience of google browsing, yet wholly set adrift from purpose or direction. I find reading them compulsive, but they leave me feeling more depressed than seems justified, despite you not even picking particularly asinine example… I mean, imagine doing the same but from the youtube comments section alone.

    Good job, especially on the tags!

  2. Gabe Durham says:

    Thanks for saying so, Cage. Yes, nearly every one of these are from topic-specific message boards. We people apparently have a lot to say about attention and hype, overhypedness and underratedness. It’s an exhausting thing to police but it makes God happy.

    Clicking over from this comment, I spent a good half hour on your blog this morning. (Initially drawn by the George Bluth reference.) Who knew there was so much to say about one enigmatically good/bad actor? It’s a lot of fun. Keep it up.

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